P.S. #1: Dandelion Meadows
Written by Elizabeth R. C. Lundberg
Produced by Rae Lundberg
Content Warnings (Click to expand)
Alcohol use, brief discusison of death
[THE VERY END OF THE INTRO THEME PLAYS.] ELIZABETH L.: This mini-episode takes place immediately after the events of Episode 13: Workplace Incidental. [BRIEF SOUNDS OF DRIVING OVER GRAVEL BEFORE THE TRUCK COMES TO A STOP.] CLEMENTINE: Thanks for dropping me off. Do you want to come inside for a drink, or-- VAL: Wow, Clem, I thought you weren’t into inviting folks back to yours. I must be special. CLEMENTINE: Of course you’re special, Val. But don’t let it go to your big head. [TRUCK DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE, AND THEY WALK THROUGH SOFT EARTH AND MUD. BIRDS SING AS THE FRONT DOOR OPENS WITH A WARPED SHUDDER.] CLEMENTINE: I like having my own place again. You don’t have much room for company in the back of a mail truck. And...I miss my father’s house, but--well, Maggie once called it a tomb of grief. VAL: What would she say about this place? CLEMENTINE: (sigh) I don’t know. But, it’s not her style. VAL: Who wouldn’t be interested in hermit shacks in the middle of nowhere? CLEMENTINE: I know! It’s nice and quiet here. I saw a doe yesterday morning when I came home from my route. She was grazing near the front door like she was waiting to be let in. But...the van scared her off. VAL: You’re not making a good first impression with your neighbors. CLEMENTINE: Maybe I’ll leave something out for her. I hope she’ll come back. (pause) Do you want something to eat? I don’t have much, but you can help yourself to whatever you find. VAL: (opening and closing cupboards) Granola, oats, mixed nuts...you do realize we aren’t actually birds, right? You don’t have to eat like one. CLEMENTINE: Don’t try and tell me that you cook for yourself. VAL: Absolutely not. That’s what food trucks and late-night diners are for. CLEMENTINE: You can’t exactly preach about good eating habits, can you? Oh! I forgot about these--I picked them up at a roadside stand. They aren’t supposed to be in season, but they tasted fine to me. VAL: Be careful, or soon someone will leave out sunflower seeds and blueberries to try and lure you in. CLEMENTINE: Do you want some wine? After our little investigation, I think I need a glass. VAL: Dandelion Meadows. You seriously drink that stuff? [AS THEY TALK, CLEMENTINE POPS OPEN THE WINE WITH A CORKSCREW AND POURS TWO GLASSES.] CLEMENTINE: It’s not that bad, and you can’t beat the price. You don’t have to have any if you don’t like it. VAL: (quickly) I didn’t say I don’t want any...just that it’s disgusting. CLEMENTINE: I’m sure whatever you drink isn’t much better. What’s your poison? Moonshine? Watered-down Lake Crooners or god-awful Buster Brews? VAL: I’m offended. How do you know I don’t exclusively drink champagne with slices of strawberries and shit? CLEMENTINE: I would love to see that. I bet you’re down on Alberon Boulevard, dining on shellfish and dancing with every eligible bachelorette. VAL: If only. When would I have the time? I’m always with you and Milo, or on route. CLEMENTINE: I’ve been thinking--I wonder if we’ll still hang out after we find out what happened to Ashley. We didn’t talk before Milo started working at the Post. VAL: Yeah, but that’s because I thought you were a bootlicker. CLEMENTINE: Oh. I mean, it’s not a crime to want to be good at your job, is it? VAL: But why would you want to? You didn’t ask to join the Post. It’s a life sentence. Don’t you want to be able to decide what you do with your life? CLEMENTINE: We don’t have much of a choice. I try not to make myself sick over the possibility of what my life might have been like. VAL: You don’t have to accept it just because it was another shitty thing you inherited. Every time I think about working at the Night Post until I die, I want to bite someone. It makes me so angry. CLEMENTINE: What’s the alternative? Running off into the sunset and praying the side effects don’t catch up? Setting fire to Gilt Tower? Conning someone into taking your place? I don’t know if I see a way out. VAL: If I--when I find one, I’ll let you know. CLEMENTINE: If you manage to leave the Post, what would you do next? VAL: Leave this city, never look back, and hit every mailbox I see with a sledgehammer for the rest of my life. CLEMENTINE: That’s not much of a plan. VAL: Neither is acquiescing to your conscription like an obedient little puppy, but we all have to cope somehow. CLEMENTINE: I’m more of a rebel than you think! I’ve broken tons of rules to help Milo look for Ashley. VAL: Oh no, Nicholas is gonna hang up your picture on his “Wall of Pigeons Who Disappointed Me.” CLEMENTINE: That--doesn’t exist. VAL: How would you know? I’ve been on it since day one. CLEMENTINE: Then he’ll have to hang our pictures together. It can be a triptych of the three of us. VAL: Exactly. We’ll all be the worst employees at Station 103, maybe even the entire Post. That’s something to celebrate. CLEMENTINE: We do make a decent team, don’t we? First step, find our friend’s missing husband. Second step, collectively run for governor. VAL: I see what this is about. You’re angling for two first ladies and a first man, all in different wings of the manor. CLEMENTINE: (laughing) Oh, no. That’s more than I could handle. I’d be happy with only one first lady. VAL: Speak for yourself. [CLEMENTINE GIVES A SHORT, BRIGHT LAUGH, AND TAKES A BREATH.] CLEMENTINE: I’m sorry it took us this long to get to know each other. I’m glad we’re friends, Val. VAL: Yeah, me too. I like having you around, even if you’re a tall weirdo who’s too invested in our damn job. CLEMENTINE: And I like having you around. Even if you’re reckless and abrasive. VAL: (cloying) Clementine, you’re so sweet. If you did something with your hair and stopped dressing like an old man, someone would snatch you right up. CLEMENTINE: (amused) Okay, that’s enough wine for you, especially if you’re driving home. ELIZABETH L: (as the outro plays) Thank you for listening to our first mini-episode. Stay tuned for more, every two weeks until August 11, when The Night Post will return with Season 2. As always, you can find us on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram. And if you’re hungry for more The Night Post content, join us on Patreon for weekly bonus stories.